Confessions, Part 1
Confessions, Part 2
Confessions, Part 3
...
Lucas,
it is very late where I am and I am very tired, but cannot seem to sleep tonight. There are any number of trace chemicals left in my system that may account for my insomnia, but sedation is a bit too risky to attempt as these are purely experimental elements and it is unknown what the interactions might be. I'll have to wait it out, and in the meanwhile will take the opportunity to continue this series of "confessions".
Many of your Yellow-1 compatriots have asked me to fill them in on the source of my distress regarding the noises in Kiev but I have not yet given them an answer. In part this is because the answer is, simply put, a secret that I would likely be... "punished", let's say, for revealing. I can hint and make glancing remarks, but the core truth I'm afraid will have to be seen when it becomes public.
Apart from that, to be honest, even if I told everyone straight out none of them would understand. This whole process has truly highlighted for me just how deep the world's secrets run, and how little the general public understands what is happening around them. There was a time where I thought that Shea and Wilson's "The Illuminatus! Trilogy" was a gross exaggeration of how far away from the truth people have been pushed. I now know that this bit of fiction doesn't even come close to going far enough.
...
To begin to understand anything one must reach through the illusions we've created for ourselves. A healthy place to start would be to accept one single truth: everything you know is a lie.
The practice of doing so must survive a specific application of Cartesian Logic. IE:
- Everything you know is a lie.
- Everything you don't know is a lie.
- The opposite of everything you know is a lie.
- The opposite of everything you don't know is a lie.
The single, central goal is to return your mind to the state of an infant's, where all data is accepted without any interpretation into what we foolishly call "information". While your systems of interpretation may stay intact (the ability to detect the edges of solid objects, an understanding that there are consciousnesses that are somehow separate from yourself, the notion that movement can have direction, etc...) one must gain the ability to look around these mental constructs at the raw data itself.
Apply yourself to this task, Lucas, and you will be the better for it. Even a momentary glimpse of the world in this fashion will reveal more volumes of knowledge than my rambling writings ever could.
I'd give you a resource for further study along these lines but... well the truth is I think I may have invented this technique. I could be wrong. Let me know if you've heard of it.
...
I suppose the time has come, Lucas, for me to provide background regarding some of my earlier experiments. Had I known where this would all lead in the future I might never have begun, but then again, I haven't achieved anything in this life by worrying about consequences.
Now that it comes down to it I'm not sure where to start...
I had mentioned before that there was a point where I became tired of programming people, biology and chemistry became a bore, and I took to wandering the globe looking for inspiration. I did some consulting work at intelligence agencies in various countries under various identities but my heart wasn't in it. I never lasted more than a few months before leaving and creating a new identity elsewhere. Eventually it got to the point where I didn't even bother to fake my own death anymore.
Somehow I ended up in South Africa. The Afrikaners were still busily torturing and killing their way through Apartheid and had brought me in as a consultant to help achieve "total population demoralization". The goal was to move the populace to a point where there was no question of absolute obedience to authority, and ideally to maintain a listless state of sorrowful yet productive commitment labor as the "New Normal". (A term which, by the way, I was able to resurrect during the Bush administration if you remember.)
The whole thing was a waste of time, if I'm being completely honest. The people I was supposed to be working with were all doing a very efficient job by themselves rounding up random citizens, imprisoning and torturing them, and then sending them back out to tell the tale. The populace was well and truly suppressed with only the occasional minor revolt. While I was able to convince them that abuse needed to remain anonymous (strangers raping strangers is accepted by society, but if the victim knows the name of a rapist the entire city riots... go figure), for the most part the people on the ground were happy doing things the way they were already doing them without my input no matter what their superiors said.
I couldn't really blame them. They were getting results. What more could I add, really?
So it was back to boredom, a feeling that I hate above all others, and nobody to blame for it but these moronic Afrikaners. I justified my presence by building statistical models that showed which methods were most effective and which were a waste of resources. What was done right, I claimed as my influence. It pleased the higher-ups. To make it more interesting for myself I also implied in more than one report that certain individuals on the ground were operating under the private orders of a specific Minister or General. In this way I bred suspicion and hostility between the ranks which, as I understand it, eventually lead to the end of Apartheid sometime after I left and the loss of any international power the Afrikaners might have claimed. Not my original intention, mind you, but I noted the results for later use.
Besides, they had it coming for boring me.
Just as I was preparing to leave I got a call to investigate one of the more remote prisons in the country. It was a full day's drive through back roads and dried river beds to find the facility, which was a large grey 2 story affair and the only sign of civilization for miles. Of course I use the term "civilization" loosely. It was filled with a mass of illiterate, gibbering savages who spent most of their time screaming about some injustice or other, and that was just the staff. The inmates made the place resemble more of an asylum than a prison, and it was clear that the place had pushed the staff to their wit's end. In order to keep everyone from quitting it had generally become understood that if you tried to quit you would be executed.
While a prison run by the mentally unbalanced is hardly anything new, they were having a difficult time determining the cause of deaths among the inmates. If the staff had been killing them they would have readily said so without fear of reprisal, but something else was going on here. Inmates were dying without, apparently, anyone killing them.
At first one would assume suicide or disease but there were no signs of either. There were no marks on the bodies, no fevers reported, loss of appetite, or unusual behavior (as compared to the other inmates) prior to death. The phenomena wasn't restricted to a specific wing or time of day, and the age and sex of the victims were fairly evenly distributed. There were only two patterns that the staff had noticed: firstly, that the phenomenon only occurred when the prisoner was placed in a room alone. All deaths that occurred around other inmates or staff were explainable, but these deaths in isolation were not.
The other peculiar thing was that they were all found with their hands covering their eyes and, due to an usually early onset of rigor mortis, the arms would be stuck in that position. The facial expressions of the dead were universally blank, as if this pile of organs had never hosted a consciousness in the first place.
...
Lucas I've just woken from apparently passing out about 10 hours ago at this desk. I'm sore from sleeping in such an awkward position and have a full schedule ahead so I'll have to call this the end for the time being.
I'll continue when I can.
Regards,
Sirus
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