Confessions, Part 5

See also:
Confessions, Part 1
Confessions, Part 2
Confessions, Part 3
Confessions, Part 4

...

Lucas,

Since the last email I was underwater for a few weeks, in the hospital for another week, and then desperately shoveling through a mountain of paperwork. Through all of this my responsibilities at Yellow-1 are shifting and I need to do some preparation work in that area as well. To put it simply: I'm swamped. I apologize for the delay.

I'm glad that you've been experiencing some bewilderment. Hang on to that. Some of what you've said indicated that you were trying to "get clear" or to "sort out" what is going on. I urge you not to do so. Rather, embrace confusion. Attempt to retain what you've been exposed to while remaining bewildered. Further study is fine, but seek not understanding. Seek only input.

When I mentioned the "raw data" of the universe this is exactly what I meant: the pure, unfiltered content of reality pouring in without any attempt on your part to comprehend or process any of it. "Comprehension" is simply the process of creating a mental construct to symbolize the data in a more simplified manner. You think you understand. This is the shorthand of the brain. For example: a flash of teeth and a set of eyes pointing at us symbolizes a threat, and our body immediately jumps into fight-or-flight mode. This can be a very useful thing, and has kept the world's mammalian species from going extinct.

The problem is that this system of assigning mental constructions to the input has a nasty habit of filtering the data. While your reflexes are quickened, it makes you aware of less. You saw teeth and eyes and assumed a predator, but what if it wasn't? What if something incredible and extremely beneficial was there, but you were too busy reacting to an imagined threat? On a primitive survival level this doesn't matter, but in a world of lies and deceit it matters a great deal. Your mind assigns meanings and symbols to the data you're being fed according to preconceived ideas, all the while unaware that something infinitely more complex or unusual is occurring. For an example in the media: the creation of the two-party system in the United States has gone a long way toward convincing people that there are only two sides to any issue. You are either left or right, either for or against, and that these are the only perspectives that exist. People tell themselves that as long as there are opposing forces in a battle, one side is surely right and one side is surely wrong.

The reality, of course, is that not only are both sides wrong but the entire battle is based on a ridiculous premise. Deciding or debating who is correct is slightly less productive than a dog chasing his own tail, except as a truly effective way to keep everyone distracted.

You asked on what level of thinking you should apply the Cartesian logic system to. The answer is simple: all of them. Apply it to each of your senses while sitting in front of this screen. Apply it to the concept of "reading text". Apply it to all notions of physics, psychology, politics, spirituality, and even skill. If mankind had done this a few hundred years ago, concepts like "up" and "down" would have been understood to be arbitrary well before space travel, and the profound changes in literature and religion would have created a completely different world than the one we live in today.

...

Other business, in brief:

Regarding my sense of morality being "extremely neutral", please do try not to categorize. See the above notes.

Regarding a fear that someone might "get me", well, this could happen at any time I suppose but I don't think there's anyone that would care enough to bother. I was on the run a bit in the 90s but I think the CIA and I have come to an agreement we're both happy with at this point. My reaction to Kiev came out of a fleeting sense of guilt; one that has since passed. I never have feared being judged for it though. There isn't anybody to judge me, really. What horror may still come will not target me, specifically, even though I was at the "flash point" for the initial event.

I need to make something clear about this now Lucas, so please pay special attention to this part: I need to stop talking about Kiev for at least one more month. Please don't bring it up. I need to establish some psychic distance. In a month, we can likely speak much more frankly about the subject.

Why Yellow-1? Well, I've been running into them since I can remember. We tend to travel in the same circles, and have worked on a number of projects over the years. My adopting a more formal role within the organization seemed quite natural. Yellow-1 is an Agent of Change. While other agencies value bureaucracy and play at internal politics, Yellow-1 makes things move. That is where I need to be.

...

Back to Africa.

I'm afraid that time won't allow me to expand much on it here as we've had so much other business to discuss, so I'll be brief for the moment.

Looking back at my last message I realize now that I didn't make clear the average state of mind of the tenants of the facility. None of them, not one, was what we would call "sane".

The more mild cases had involuntary twitches in the face, shoulders, legs, or some combination thereof. The air was constantly filled with the chattering of the ranters, whose never-ending litanies addressed every subject from spider-monkey conspiracies to their personal vital role in keeping gravity functioning. This chatter was punctuated by howls, day and night, from those who felt they were victims of some imagined torture, or being chased by giant insects, or who were arguing with relatives some decades dead and gone.

The more violent outbursts had been "bred out" of the mix by the prison's system of natural selection: a crew of guards with short tempers and no accountability. There was an open pit around back with a bucket of lye next to it that got regular use.

This casual attitude about the survival rate of the inmates brought into question why the solitary deaths were a concern. Yes, it was a mysterious set of circumstances, but why go to the expense of bringing me out to examine the situation? These were not assets that they were trying to preserve, after all. Still, the "powers that be" were quite insistent that I get to the bottom of the matter, and who was I to argue? Besides, I was grateful for the break in the tedium.

When I write next I will begin to explain the strangeness surrounding these solitary deaths and how they lead to my eventual discoveries in things like Causal-Loop Closures and changing reality through perception, but for now I must attend to this pile of work that is looking at me menacingly and needs to be dealt with.

Regards,

Burns

Detoxification

NOTE: Headphones required. More information follows:

This is a detoxification protocol for Yellow-1. One should wear headphones and avoid any external distractions. Focus on the vibration. (There is only one.)

Ideally this video would be reviewed in a darkened room, and in a chair that would support your unconscious body. Repeated exposures in one sitting should not exceed 3, after which point one should wait at least 8 hours.

Typical side effects include paranoia and anxiety upon the first few exposures (2-5), followed by a pleasant drowsiness and near-instant relaxation of musculature on all further exposures.

The protocol has been concluded when your mind is completely purged of any notions of containing knowledge. This has been found to occur after 9 or more exposures.

Once a complete detoxification has been achieved the experience of reading this text will be very different. You will "see the fnords", to coin a phrase.

CREDITS:
* Original unaltered audio "The Stars" by Tom Fahy licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.
* Application of detoxification technology by Sirus Burns, which significantly altered the original sound.